This morning, I woke up in the early hours with a nauseous feeling in my stomach. I used my fingers to clear my throat and managed to spit out some vomit. It was probably caused by eating something cold yesterday. Having a stomachache on New Year's morning is not a good sign.
I heard firecrackers in the distance, and even though I don't like setting off fireworks, I pretended to hang some up. Unfortunately, I only had a broken lighter. I found out it was broken when I tried to light a fire yesterday, so I had to use the gas to ignite it. Now, I can't light fireworks on the gas stove! Helplessly, I took this piece of junk and tried my luck. To my surprise, the weak sparks ignited, and it greatly lifted my spirits. I feel much better this morning.
As I entered the house, I wanted to pour some hot water to soothe my throat. The strong smell of oil and blood in the house made my nausea worse. In the galgame "Song of Saya," which is one of the top ten galgames, there might be a scene similar to what I have in mind.
For me, the Lunar New Year is not enjoyable. There is a saying that goes, "The chicken is unlucky on the fifteenth day of the eighth lunar month, the pig is unlucky on New Year's, and the person who fights in the spring is unlucky." I have never liked killing, especially during the Lunar New Year. Occasionally eating meat is not a problem, but the scenes during the Lunar New Year are too horrifying. The entire market is filled with people buying and killing chickens, and the smell is unbearable. At every busy intersection, there are live cows being slaughtered, live donkeys being slaughtered, and live sheep being slaughtered, all in full view. When I passed by, I saw various types of sheep horns and sheepskins with bloodstains, each piled up separately. I finally understood why monsters have horns. That scene was truly horrifying...
In addition to eating something cold yesterday, which made me feel nauseous like leftover alcohol, I really want to "fast" for a few days. In the morning, I wanted to eat some noodles, but I didn't expect that there is a saying that you should eat vegetables on New Year's morning, and the food is hard to swallow. Of course, many people enjoy meat, especially during the Lunar New Year. Without killing chickens and slaughtering pigs, how can there be a festive atmosphere?
But the most different thing in this world is people. Although we all have noses and eyes, our perspectives on things can be vastly different. The same goes for the concept of "festive atmosphere" and the view on "killing." There are indeed many objective reasons. When I see living creatures being killed, regardless of whether I want to eat meat or not, I feel uncomfortable. When I smell the scent of meat, regardless of whether I want to eat it or not, I just don't like it. It's just like how I think Saya is a beautiful girl, but I would never think that a pile of minced meat could be beautiful.
Speaking of the topic of life, I have written about it many times. It all expresses my unwillingness to kill, but what about killing? I used to think being a farmer would be great, having control over the life and death of animals. But sadly, farmers are also seen as slave owners who can casually slaughter livestock. Eating and being eaten, enslaving and being enslaved, it's all too common. Although I dislike this logic of "A and non-A," it is still applicable in most cases.
Let's simplify it into four situations: wanting to enslave others, not wanting to enslave others - wanting to be enslaved, not wanting to be enslaved.
Not wanting to enslave others, that's great.
Wanting to enslave others, wanting to be enslaved, that's not bad either.
Wanting to enslave others, not wanting to be enslaved, that's the majority of cases. In this situation, just draw your sword directly. Whether it's an animal or a person, when faced with this final situation, they will struggle. I have always believed that the issue of life and death is not more important than struggling.
I don't like killing, but I will do whatever it takes to achieve my goals. Is the result more important or is the process more important? Neither is important, what matters is the effect you want to achieve. Is oneself more important or are others more important? Neither is important, what matters is one's beliefs. I cherish life, but I am not concerned about life and death. There are things that need to be done regardless of life or death. In simple terms, I will still kill. But I am becoming more and more reluctant to kill. I will still be slaughtered, but I will resist regardless of life or death.
Do you think people will die? I think the idea that "people will die" is just human confusion. Death is like an airtight box, everyone is observing from the outside, what's inside? Some people say: death is inside. How did you see it? If you saw it, then life and death are not airtight. If you didn't see it, how do you know what's inside?
I don't believe that the lives I have killed or the lives others have killed have disappeared. I also don't believe that I will disappear after being killed. Reverence for life is hidden beneath "death," and it is only when there is no concept of life and death that we truly do not kill. So why is it that without "death," we can feel reverence for life and not "kill"? The answer lies within the word "life."
When Zhuangzi dreamed of being a butterfly, when he returned to the so-called "reality," he found that it was New Year's Eve. This is truly a big dream. The next time someone reads this sentence, it might be New Year's Eve, or maybe it's a different time. Isn't that quite dreamlike?
I really like Eren's thoughts in "Attack on Titan." We don't want to be sacrificed, and we don't want to live a meaningless life. In this game of life, let's have fun. Everyone is doing what they think is right, we are just doing it more purely. This is our way of playing the game.
Thoughts on New Year's Eve, Enslavement, and Life and Death [[2024-02-08]]