Applying Nietzsche's words, sex is the root of human beings, not flowers.
I have been quiet and reserved since childhood, not fond of socializing with others. When I was young, I thought I could see the whole world, as if I was dancing alone. No desires, no demands. But I think I first had desires in elementary school, as if entering a bigger world, where the solo dance turned into a large-scale stage play. I was curious about others, especially curious about girls. Why did they have to use a different restroom than me? Then I had a dream, where the whole class was using the same restroom. We were all standing, and so were they.
At that time, the desire was not sexual. Or rather, as I grew up, it gradually cultivated the ability to be "obscene" bit by bit. Later on, with maturity, I was able to enjoy occasional sexual encounters. Of course, it was always with myself.
From then on, I became trapped in it. Only then did I experience abstinence. I simply wanted to return to the "pure" state of childhood. But it was like adding fuel to the fire, making it even more intense.
When one goes from maturity to decline, it becomes inevitable to distance oneself from sex. It is at this time that one can truly return to purity.
Looking back, these are the three stages of my sexuality, and there is much to ponder.
Sex is the "truth." It is an unavoidable aspect of all mature individuals, the most intense one. From ignorant adolescence to maturity, the first thing that matures is sex. If a young person cannot mobilize other forces within their body, there is no doubt that sex is the ruler of their internal power. Shouldn't we call it their truth at this time? All actions reveal the shadow of sex, just as love is always the keynote of life.
High school is a romantic season because their sexuality is the purest and most passionate. Of course, I have no personal experience of love. Here, sex is also a general term, not just limited to mating. When I say I don't like to socialize with others, I am actually referring to being attracted to someone. Furthermore, although sex dominates internally, or occupies the majority of the body, the external world has a tremendous impact on sex. Like me, I would suppress and evade sex, struggling against it, and as a result, we face this existence more squarely. We use sex to resist the external world and discover ourselves. Or rather, we discover that sex is so real! This kind of reality is beyond the concepts of the outside world. It is the most direct, the most intense, and the most wonderful sensation among all your feelings. Compared to other political, religious, and moral concepts, we can be certain that sex exists. It is real.
Our societal notions continuously fill us with the dangers of sex, such as prostitution, sexual crimes, early love, and so on. But sex shatters their rigidity and lies. It's not that I support the aforementioned things, but sex helps us to re-cognize, to have a more genuine understanding.
No matter how much we boast about our sexual abilities, we cannot deny that it comes with ups and downs. People are destined to become impotent unless their lives suddenly come to an end.
Nietzsche once said, "The most malicious words against the senses do not come from the mouths of the impotent or the abstinent, but from those who must abstain."
What I understand is that it refers to those who become sexually weak and disregard right and wrong. Of course, such people are not related to what is described in this article. This article is based on my own sexual experiences, and those who are sexually weak or impotent have no connection to this article. The clouds they experience are unknown to me. People are destined to become impotent, but the nourishment they derive and the "truth" they realize from sex will never be extinguished.
In telegram groups where explicit content is shared, the most vibrant individuals discuss their most authentic sides. They crave, whether it is moral or immoral. I cherish this direct confrontation with oneself, whether it is terrifying or not. In this regard, the question of whether sex is the "truth" seems to be off-topic. Or rather, it may be subjective. What I am primarily concerned about is not the truth itself?
Does sex have any connection to truth? This is more of a personal and societal question. Sex is anti-social, anti-group, exclusive, and anti-survival, among other things. That's why I turned to telegram!
When we mention "sex," aren't we trying to escape? Even I have started to self-censor.
Random Thoughts on Sex was renamed and organized on [[2024-02-05]].