My interpersonal relationships mainly fall into two categories: traditional relationships based on blood ties and relationships centered around shared interests. The former is a complex relationship intertwined with various spiritual and material interests. The latter is a relatively pure relationship. I have noticed that I have fewer and fewer relationships, and I am less willing to integrate into my original circle.
Blood#
A few days ago, relatives and elders gathered together for a meal on October 1st. I didn't really want to go, but in the end, I went. I watched others chat enthusiastically while I sat quietly on the side. It was lively, but my heart was calm, like diving. I sat on the sofa, and the children were playing mobile games together instead of engaging in adult conversations. My little niece asked if I could help her play, as she always loses. I said, "If you lose a lot, you won't lose anymore." She fell silent. According to common sense, I should deepen my relationship with children during such gatherings and experience the joy of playing games together. But I felt indifferent. I had nothing to say to the adults or the children. It's not that I didn't want to come, I just didn't want to talk.
Interest#
As for the relationships based on shared interests, they are also becoming more distant for me. When watching "Titanic," I feel calm, but when watching "Brokeback Mountain," I shed tears. I am not surprised by fleeting passion, but rather amazed by long-lasting companionship. We often come together because of shared interests, and our understanding of the world and grasp of life make us feel amazed when we meet, thus forming a relationship. However, even if interests align, it doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is close, as such people are replaceable. Perhaps this is what makes love so touching, because shared interests are what connect us. However, without appearance and sex, love may present a different scene.
Solitude#
I enjoy discussing unreal things with others. We are accustomed to saying that the world is like this, the world is like that, materialistic, idealistic, with gods, without gods... I am becoming less willing to discuss such topics with others. Due to differences in knowledge, intellect, and understanding, I wonder if it is necessary to explore these questions with others. Maybe you have the answers, maybe you don't, but I no longer feel the need to express them. I am more inclined to experience something directly. There is no in-between. It's like when I was a child playing with mud, digging trenches with my hands, building bridges with broken tiles, and pouring a bucket of water to watch it flow.
People tend to see others as just people. Treating everyone the same is the root of all suffering. Now I am more inclined towards relationships based on economic interests, material benefits.
PS: It seems like I encountered a thief while writing, so I hastily finished it.
Afterword#
Added on December 7, 2021: From a biological perspective, humans are animals, but from a mental perspective, we are fundamentally two different types of people, regardless of how similar we may seem. My problem is fantasizing about the impossible. After realizing the reality, we won't be excessively sad due to loneliness; we can also find joy in it. The fundamental difference between these two types of thinking is like the DNA code of a thought, making us unique. Looking around and finding people who share our understanding and doing things together, isn't that a pleasant thing? The so-called self-righteousness is actually just a lack of recognition of the commonalities between ourselves and others. As the highest existence of thought, the individual in terms of biology is not our friend, but rather that part of their thinking. Therefore, understanding eliminates worries.
The above statements are too stream of consciousness and are for reference only.
[[2023-11-16]] This article was written on November 21, 2021. After searching for mud and creativity, I was moved upon rereading it, so I decided to repost it. Link