People around me often say, "You're overthinking." The pain I feel from the phrase "overthinking" is not the pain of ultimate despair in the world, but the pain I feel when they disregard the things I value. This is a deep fear and loneliness.
The Pain of "Overthinking"#
"Overthinking."
Many people say this to me. They have been saying it since I was a child, and they still do.
Every time my inner self hears the three words "overthinking," I feel an intense pain and frustration.
I believe that something exists, but they are not concerned with the existence of certain things. Instead, they directly believe that my thoughts are "overthinking." I don't remember anyone who has said "overthinking" to me trying to explain the existence or non-existence of something.
The pain I feel from the phrase "overthinking" is not the pain of realizing that our understanding of each other is subjective and that it is difficult to grasp the objective world, the pain of ultimate despair in the world. It is the pain I feel when they disregard the things I value. This is a profound fear and loneliness.
However, the aforementioned pain is not worth dwelling on too much. Because I always remember that I am not writing this for myself alone, or for those who also "overthink" like me. I believe that I empathize with them.
The Influence of People Around Me#
People are easily influenced by those around them. When people around us negate our "thoughts" and consider them as "overthinking," it is fatal for us. It is terrifying when people around us don't understand. We may even be tempted by death. Although our physical bodies may disperse through death, if this way of thinking is not corrected, I believe it is not good, and even death will not bring peace.
Recently, I have heard many cases of "suicide," both online and offline. Every time I hear about it, I feel more and more indignant. It is called "suicide," but it is actually "homicide." "They" are the people around us.
A man from a neighboring village, in his sixties, drank pesticide in front of his adopted son due to conflicts between them and died. The neighbors were threatened by the adopted son not to say that the old man died from drinking pesticide. (It is said that there may be exaggeration in the story). A young unmarried daughter from a nearby relative's house committed suicide by jumping into the river. She was in her late twenties and a university student. Her mother collapsed on the spot when she identified the body. It is said that the deceased had been targeted by people from the village committee.
The Threshold of Suicide and Liberation#
Disregard or targeting... People around us are the biggest factor that makes individuals close off their hearts. The images of the people around us who make up our inner world will impact our inner world to varying degrees. Perhaps, when we are completely hopeless, that is when we personally want to commit suicide. The reason for feeling completely hopeless is that the changes in the impressions that support our world cause our world to collapse. Therefore, if we want to destroy a person, this may be the cruelest way.
Regarding suicide, I believe there is a "threshold of suicide." Once it reaches a certain level, a person will collapse and commit suicide. The method to lower the threshold for me is to be close to similar people or stay away from dissimilar people. Imagine if everyone around me is made up of dissimilar people, it would be difficult to survive. However, if there are too many dissimilar people, staying away from them is a good method. What is considered dissimilar? It may be ideas that challenge our core beliefs, and the specific definition is difficult to determine.
The above words are difficult to express my chaotic emotions. But I can be sure that the phrase "overthinking!" always accompanies me. I will write about it the next time I encounter this response. When it comes to suicide, this feeling is difficult to suppress once it enters the mind. When I am clear-headed, I can try to control myself and stay away from that state when I am confused. This sudden realization came to me over the span of two days, intermittently, and the words have already become chaotic.
PS: This text was revised on the night of August 25, 2024, because of the need to discuss "relationships in life" and to recall "the people around us." Original text "Overthinking", written on May 15, 2021.
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